Why do I do this?

You would think by now I would have gotten the hang of writing these, I am almost there but I still have that procrastination feeling just before I start typing, not sure what that is yet but I will figure it out. So I'm back on the trains... We can continue the train chronicles - hahaha! Except it's reduced because I'm in on twice a week so I don't see as much as I used to lol. I did however see something that made me shake my head. Is it a thing now to just to walk 'through' the barriers at the station? Last week Wednesday and Thursday, I walked into the station and a guy was walking behind me, I slowed down to take out my oyster so I could touch it on the barriers... he walked up to the barriers that's meant for people with luggage or pushchairs and just squeezed themselves through it and kept it moving like it was normal, it was that fact that this happened on both days, two different guys but on the Thursday there was a train staff member who watched him do it and just left him alone... She shook her head, probably thinking "I don't get paid enough for that" lol. They are so bright and didn't feel a way. It's crazy! Random thought! Have we just become accustomed to this way of living even though it seems to get bad as we get older, the cost of living crisis... everything is becoming more and more expensive and for some of us our wages have not increased so it makes living in these times harder, we can think back to how our parents and grandparents lived and probably think to ourselves that we would welcome those times, having said that...I'm sure life was worse for them back in those days because they probably had to deal with racial discrimination almost daily... Which is worse? back then, or now... the discrimination is still here! Anyway... that was just my thoughts and I'm not trying to make my writing depress those who read it.

I started my job this week, it is great!!! 4 days of working for this new company and I like it more and more... when you finally get what you've wanted for so long... 4 years! 4!

I knew what I wanted to do and what type of company I wanted to work for the longest time and I tried so hard to get it but I went through years of knock backs and when you think about it, 4 years really is a long time to want something knowing you would be so good at it if someone were to just give you a chance, but you don't know when it's going to happen and somehow you just have to put your trust into having faith and it will work for you. Don't get me wrong, some people are going through some tough times right now and probably think that it's neverending and it does seem like that but it will get better... it has to get better, we just have to keep trusting the process...as they say, everything happens for a reason. I'm grateful... extremely grateful when I think about it. Ya know they say people should show gratitude when it comes to thinking positively, "be grateful for what you have and you will attract more!" I have always believed that but to be honest I didn't know how to be grateful... that might sound a bit weird but it's so easy to just say "Yes I'm grateful" but I believe you have to honestly feel it inside, I didn't know how to do that before but right now... I am extremely grateful (how many times am I going to say the word "Grateful" 😂) this is how you know that I'm really feeling it - hahaha!! I think one of the things that helps you feel gratitude for something or someone is when you may remember what you had to go through to get to where you are or what kind of experiences you had to deal with... when you look back at that briefly, it helps to feel this way a little easier. This was something I learned recently!