Why?

Why do I take long to put out these blogs...

Why do I procrastinate...

Why am I on the verge of crying my eyes out but nothing is running down my face and only 1 eyeball has water? I have so many "Why's?" it's unbelieveable... and I do not have the answers to all of them, if you have the answer whilst you're reading this, please let me know...you'll be helping. I can put it down to a number of frustrations, tiredness... maybe I'm feeling a bit drained (today was a long day) maybe it's all of the above rolled into one... I'm going to throw in missing my Dad too because that is a given!! I thought I was over most of those things though, (not missing my Dad of course) but I think the reality is, we surpress it for a period and not let them things get to us but one day, it hits us... well I say "Us" but it could be just me in this case. Earlier today as I walked out of work, feeling hot because I had a hoodie on today, I was walking to the station listening to some old skool and singing along... singing quietly so I don't draw much attention to myself but I felt alright doing that... so I'm confused to why I was feeling like this now as I'm sitting in my room chilling out. It's a completely different feeeling to how I felt just a few hours ago. Life can do that to you. Let's see if I can list some of these frustrations... 1. I was little annoyed with someone I shouldn't be annoyed, then on the phone felt a little awkward because I went quiet. 2. I kept checking my phone to see if someone was checking in on me... no messages and I had to battle to stop looking at it. (I won that battle) 3. I had that feeling you feel right because you're about to let the tears fall down your face, except nothing fell, I'm wondering why and then I thought to myself that I didn't have anything to cry about and that's probably why nothing fell. I feel like I did though otherwise why would this feeling hit me in the first place. That's a lot init... a lot to feel in such short space of time, I've only been home for about 3/4 hours... maybe that is long, I don't know! It could all just be combination of the whole day being long and draining and I need to just start over again tomorrow when a better mindset, that means I have to get a good sleep tonight too... that sometimes helps. There are a lot of things I want to happen and I don't know how to obtain them... I want to get deep into manifesting because I believe... sorry, let me say that again... I KNOW that works... it has proven me right in the past but I think at this moment I'm not quite in the right mindset to think like that again but I'm going to get there again... I promise! I used to practice this back in the day.... I would do a lot of the steps to help manifest and affirm what I want in life and it's worked but I fell off... I don't know when and I don't know how but I know that I did... maybe losing my Dad had a lot to do with it. I never understood how much of a impact that has had on me... I still don't know, but the therapy sessions are helping to figure that out. I'm going to get there, I'm going to stop procrastinating and keep moving forward... do me a favour though please, keep pushing me! Forgive me for this blog being a short one and even if you thought I was waffling... I just wanted to type something but I still wanted you to see it, I'm going to see if I can be more frequent with these.