Procrastination... we all do it!

If you're like me... (and I bet some of you are!) We procrastinate! Ya know when you know that you have a list of things to do but somehow the days seems to get away from you and before you know it... you're sitting on your bed typing out your next blog and thinking about what you're going to wear to work tomorrow - ha! See... the thing about procrastinating is a big deal because I was talking about this on Monday when I started writing this... now look, It's Sunday and I'm only now trying to finish. When I say that there isn't enough time in the day... this is what I mean because this should have been finished days ago but I felt so tired for most of this week, still had to come home and get some studying in and then eventually make it to my bed knowing that I'm about to the exact same thing again tomorrow.... It's HARD!!

I had the view of having a productive day (this was Monday)... In my line of work, it's important that you are because it can come with it's challenges and today was no different. When I got to the office... I instantly felt like I wanted to be home, at least working from home... on my laptop at my nice nice desk setup (that's the geek in me) I would have been comfortable! I can almost guarantee I would have been more productive too. There is something about working from home that works for me... I know some of you can relate, we've all said it... not having to deal with the morning commute, either you're dodging people on the trains or swerving in and out of cars going through London to reach your destination. London is HECTIC!!! Sometimes you have to really think about it because it can be really bad... If you're not from here and you feel like you can tackle the hectic London life, please think about it long and hard... Is this you? Anyway... I digress! So yeah... working from home just has an element of relief... I could handle work more if I had that opportunity but they don't want us too. They want us to be in the office so that IT can be 'Seen' not quite sure how that makes sense when the rest of the office is working from home but it's their rules and we just have to follow.

This week has been one of those weeks where I found myself not quite acting myself... to be honest, I haven't been myself for a good while and I think the reason why is due to my working environment and not quite being where I want to be. In March 2021 I started working for an organisation which I thought was going to get me on the path I need to be in order to succeed and excel in IT, I worked there for two years and I found that it was not what I wanted, or what I needed so I spent the best part of 2022 trying to find myself a new role, it was a struggle but it was positive in some aspects. I was applying for roles and landing the interviews, but I just wasn't good enough to get the job... but don't let that fool you into thinking that I was not good in my interviews, I was... that's what they told me each time... I just didn't have enough experience on certain systems they might be using at that time. This was because I used to do a lot of contract work and some systems I've used I would have only used them for around 6 months at a time and I'm going up against someone who has been using it for 2 years or so. This was disheartening I can't lie as it made me feel like I wasn't good enough even though there wasn't anything negative said about me. I had to keep going... I never gave up no matter how many rejections I got... I had to keep going. Eventually I received a job and I thought to myself 'Yessss... this is it' I'm on my way, but 6 or 7 months into the role I started to realise this isn't for me and it started to have an effect on the way I operated in work, how I begun to see myself and whether I wanted to just walk out of there and not look back (that wasn't an option by the way but the thought definitely crossed my mind) I am still there... still looking for an opportunity to get out and I believe there is one waiting for me... I just need to be patient and know that it is on it's way. I went through a stage where I wanted to seek help because I did not like what it was doing to me. I took advantage of my workplace's wellness scheme and got myself a therapist, I'd book in sessions with her each week and talk about what I was going through... I don't know if it really helped to be honest, It might have, but I think it was good to just speak to someone without judgement (not that I have friends that judge me) but sometimes a new set of ears is enough. It's difficult to say if it did help because I do still have those days or weeks where things get to me and I need to take a break, luckily I have one coming up real soon. It's alright though, I know change is coming for the better... I will be in a good place real soon, excited for what the future holds in store for me. When it happens, I'll look foward those times with you. Take care for now!